


Stages

by YappiChick



Category: Halo
Genre: AU, Angst, Crossover, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, UST, crack!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-24
Updated: 2010-10-24
Packaged: 2017-10-12 20:35:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/128777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YappiChick/pseuds/YappiChick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>452 word drabbles centered around 10 fic genres from Angst to UST, MCxC centeric, everything from Halo: Reach to Halo: Legends is fair game.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stages

**Author's Note:**

> **Warnings: There is a small spoiler for Halo: Reach in the "Friendship" entry. There is a character death in the "Angst" entry. The "Crossover" entry is particularly crack-tastic. And the "Romance" entry comes from a scraped scene in my yet-to-be-posted fic.**

**Angst (post Halo Legends: Orgins)**

She was dying, Cortana realized in a rare moment of clarity. She had fought the good fight (whatever it was), ran the race (but would never finish it), but now it was all coming to an end.

John.

Her thoughts (or was it data?) were so jammed in her matrix (which was nearly at the maximum saturation level), she could no longer recall her name (not that it mattered any more). But, she hadn't forgotten the name of the human (whatever that was) she had watched over for the past five years (which would have been significant if she remembered what time was).

John.

She couldn't recall his smile or his voice (or what those words even meant) anymore. But what she could remember was the love (which she was finally able to acknowledge to herself) she felt for the man in front of her (emotions were the only thing that she hadn't sacrificed in the name of Rampancy).

John.

With one final effort, she pulled up the pitifully small data (she had sacrificed so many memories to try to live long enough to see him emerge from the cryo-chamber) on John she had managed to salvage from the rampancy (which she barely remembered was causing her this pain). He had saved her from a Gravemind (whatever that was), had stood up to Lord Hood (whoever he was) to find her solution (which she could no longer remember), and had kept his promise (which she couldn't recall). Other than that, she couldn't recollect anything about him.

John.

He would never know how she felt (unless she had the foresight to record a message for him, but she couldn't remember if she had). For years, she had been talking to him (forgetting that he couldn't hear her being in the state he was in), sharing her thoughts (which were so difficult to process) and memories (which she could no longer distinguish between fact and fiction).

John.

She couldn't remember why she was with him (which wasn't important enough for her to remember) and why they were apparently the only two creatures floating in deep space (all the UNSC and Forerunner data had been lost). She had been his shield and his sword, protecting him (from what, she didn't know), watching over him (which was nearly impossible with her limited ability to function).

John.

He had told her to wake him when she needed him (but she always needed him), but now it was too late. She had purged the data she needed to awaken him months ago in an effort to stave off Rampancy (when she was in denial that she would not survive).

John.

Finally, with one last thought- _John_ -she finally succumbed to the Rampancy.

 **AU (Halo 3)**

"If we don't make it…"

"We'll make it."

And, much to Cortana's surprise, they _did_ manage to return to Earth. Somehow the Arbiter had managed to steer the Forward Unto Dawn through the Portal before it collapsed. After the initial disbelief that they made it back to Earth, they were ordered to go to various debriefings with every organization from ONI to UNSC High Command to the newly formed Separatists/Human Alliance.

In Cortana's case, the techs at ONI wanted to get their hands on her first. They ran her through a battery of tests, looking for any signs of corruption from being with the Gravemind for so long or rampancy due to data saturation. After she passed every test they gave her, Cortana received clearance to go back to active duty.

It had been a week since she had seen or spoken to John; the techs at ONI had locked her out from making any outside contact. She _could_ have hacked into any protocols that restricted her access, of course, but there was a part of her that was worried that her time of High Charity had affected her more than what she realized.

Now, with the backing of the best minds ONI had to offer, she felt confident to rejoin John.

She quickly finished her final debriefing with Lord Hood, relieved. In her first second of freedom, Cortana hacked into the Earth communication grid and found John's location, the UNSC base located in Rome, transferring herself there.

She found herself in his temporary quarters. He looked over at the holoprojector she had linked to. "Miss me?" he asked dryly.

She cocked an eyebrow at his playfulness. He hadn't been like this since the mission on the first Halo ring. "I was with the eggheads at ONI, Chief. It's not saying too much to say I prefer your company over theirs."

He smiled briefly before putting on his helmet. "I heard you were cleared by ONI for active duty."

Cortana nodded, surprised. "Were you eavesdropping on my last debriefing with Lord Hood?"

"I have my resources."

"You _were_ eavesdropping," she replied, amused.

"I learned a few tricks from an AI," he said evenly.

"Yeah, I bet," she grinned.

He straightened up, a sign he was about to get serious. "We've got new orders. There's a rebellion starting in a colony in the Devron System. They managed to get their hands on a few UNSC ships and are starting to cause some problems."

"I guess it's up to us to save the universe…again," Cortana said.

"You can stay here," he replied.

"And let you have all the fun?" she asked as she transferred herself to his armor, "I don't think so."

 **Crack!Fic (between Halo: First Strike and Halo 2)**

He was going to kill Johnson.

At times John thought the Sergeant forgot who, exactly, he was. A Spartan. He was taught how to kill a person, and make sure the body was never found, at age eight.

As he walked down the corridor, thinking murderous thoughts, a new, more frightening idea occurred to him. Soon, he'd have to explain his pink helmet to Cortana.

John walked into his quarters, taking off his helmet, tempted to throw it against the wall. But, the only thing that was worse than wearing a pink helmet was wearing a broken pink helmet.

Johnson, no doubt, thought it was a brilliant idea. Since John was reluctant to give up his Mark V armor for the Mark VI version, Johnson took it upon himself to paint John's helmet pink, hoping to push him to agree to the armor upgrade.

John eyed the helmet with distain. How was he supposed to remove three layers of "cotton candy" pink paint? He _could_ always repaint the helmet with green paint, but where on the Cairo station would he find such a thing?

And how did Johnson find pink paint on the platform for that matter?

"Everything ok?"

Cortana.

"Yeah," he said, blocking the helmet from her viewpoint. "Why?"

"Well, your pulse spiked at 110 approximately one minute ago. Unless we are being attacked, there shouldn't be any reason for that to be happening," Cortana replied, looking at him curiously. "Are you sure you're alright?"

John debated telling her the truth, but decided against it.

"I'm fine."

She studied him for a few seconds. "Where's your helmet? I thought you always like that whole man of mystery idea."

"Johnson."

"Johnson has your helmet?" She crossed her arms. "Does he want to live out some Spartan fantasy or something?"

John scowled. "No." Left with no choice, he moved slightly, revealing the pink helmet. "He did this."

He expected her to laugh. Or be indignant at the Sergeant's audacity to deface his armor. What he didn't expect was a satisfied smile to appear on her face. "It would seem that I owe Johnson a few hundred credits."

"This was _your_ idea?"

She shot him a wicked grin. "In a lot of ways, that armor is as much mine as it is yours. I thought I should add a personal touch to it…you don't mind, do you?"

Before John could answer, she laughed. "Just kidding, Chief. But I knew this was the only way you'd be willing to upgrade your armor. And don't bother looking for green paint because there isn't any on this platform."

With that, she transferred herself out of his quarters.

That's it; he was going to kill Johnson _and_ Cortana.

 **Crossover (between Halo: First Strike and Halo 2)**

"Tell me I'm hallucinating."

"Based on the drug cocktail that I'm detecting in your bloodstream, I would say that's a good guess," Cortana said on a private comm.

"Then how are you here?" he asked.

"Well, there are two possibilities. One, someone forgot to remove my matrix chip from your armor before they administered the painkillers in your system. Or two, you are hallucinating me. Either way, it seems like I'm here for the ride," Cortana said. He felt her frown. "You _had_ to get shot with a needler at point blank range, didn't you?"

"Just be glad Miranda was there to get us out of there and into the medical bay," he replied.

"Miranda, huh? Since when are the two of you on a first name basis?" she asked icily.

John didn't know what was more disconcerting: the idea that Cortana was jealous or the idea that he _imagined_ Cortana being jealous of Miranda. "You don't seem to mind when I call you Cortana," he noted.

"Like some people, _John_ , I only have one name," she shot back.

With a cringe, he reminded himself never to use Miranda's first name around Cortana. "So, any idea of where I'm at?" he asked.

"If I were to take a guess, I would say that you are on the U.S.S. Enterprise," Cortana offered. "Been watching those 20th century shows with Johnson again?"

"He told me they were entertaining," John replied.

"And you listened to him?" She laughed. "There is a reason why the people stopped watching television in the middle of the twenty-first century. Because it was terrible."

John ignored her remark. "Any ideas of what I should do?"

"Go to the bridge," she suggested. "It's the place that makes the most sense."

He quickly made his way to a grav lift, or a turbolift as Cortana reminded him, which took him to the bridge. "Captain," the pointy-eared man, Spock, greeted.

" _Captain_?" Cortana snorted. "So, not only am I stuck in your delusion, but your delusion of grandeur."

"It's not my fault," he said. "The subconscious is an unpredictable thing."

"That's true," Cortana agreed. "I'm sure Freud would love to get a crack at this."

He looked around at his bridge crew which, surprisingly, had some familiar faces. Johnson was sitting at the helm, cigar in mouth. Fred, sans helmet, was at navigation. And at comm was…

No. It couldn't be.

But it _was_.

Cortana, looking quite human, was sitting at the comm station. And she was wearing a very, _very_ short skirt uniform.

But if she was there, that would mean that the Cortana is his head was the _real_ Cortana.

"When you wake up, you've got some major explaining to do, John."

 **Friendship (post Halo: First Strike)**

Cortana found him standing on the Cairo platform, looking at the planet below.

"I've never been to Earth before," he greeted.

She looked at him, surprised. "Never?" she asked as she followed his gaze before shaking her head. "It's still not home though."

He turned to her. "No, it's not."

Several seconds passed as they paid their silent respects to those who fell on Reach. There was so much death. So much devastation. She remembered being with Halsey, helplessly accessing the thousands of battle reports, until the Noble team came to escort her to the Autumn. She never was able to thank them. It was one of the few things she regretted.

"Do you ever wonder if things could have turned out differently? If the attack on Reach could have been prevented?" she wondered.

"No," he said simply.

Cortana should have expected his answer, John wasn't known for wishful thinking. "I just wanted to tell you that I received my new orders."

He knelt down, bring himself to her eye-level. "And?"

"Based on your and my after-action reports, Lord Hood felt it was in humanity's best interest for me to remain with you," she said.

She watched him relax slightly.

"Since you are stationed here, I'll be running the platform for now, but I'm not going anywhere." She grinned impishly. "Face it, Chief, you're stuck with me."

He seemed to consider her words for a second. "Well…good."

She flushed pink at his reaction. "You know you've come a long way from your initial 'UNSC AI 0452-9 has the potential to be a valuable asset to the success of Operation: Handshake. However, it should be noted that her civilian-type personality traits could be detrimental to the completion of the mission' assessment on Reach."

"I thought that report was classified," he replied, embarrassed.

"You should know by now I think of that word as suggestion only," shot back Cortana, enjoying watching him squirm. She knew that his opinion of her had changed significantly since their initial meeting; she had hacked and read his after-action report on the Halo ring before UNSC High Command got a chance to look at it. But it was amusing making John slightly uncomfortable.

"I suppose I should," he said. "But, then again I 'am a little too by-the-book and lack creativity', right?"

Her eyes narrowed. "How did you keep you find that report?"

John stood up. "We have a debriefing with ONI at 1600 hours," he replied, avoiding the question.

"Chief!" she called as he started to walk away.

He continued making his way out of the room.

"John!"

It could have been her imagination, but she could swear she heard him laugh as the doors closed behind him.

 **Fluff (at the end of Halo: First Strike)**

It wasn't the first time he had heard his name spoken, of course, but it was the first time he had heard _her_ use his given name.

"How are you doing, John?"

It was spoken differently than how Halsey said it; the doctor said it an endearing way that only a mother could do.

It was even dissimilar than how his fellow Spartans said it; only Fred, Kelly and Linda would use his first name on rare occasion, reminding him of a simpler time when they were all children training on Reach together.

But, when Cortana said it, it was spoken in such a way that John was reminded that he had a friend, a person who saw beyond the armor and the rank to the man he was. He never felt like he had such a connection before.

She was watching him intently as he took a seat in the mess hall, which was thankfully empty. He wondered if Cortana had anything to do with that.

"I'm fine," he answered, ignoring the wave of exhaustion wanting to overtake him.

She crossed her arms in disbelief. "You don't expect me to really believe that, do you?"

"I'll be fine," he corrected.

She walked to the edge of the holoprojector, getting as close to him as possible, before sitting down, her feet somehow dangling over the edge. "You know when I first chose you, I knew that this assignment wouldn't be boring, but I had no idea just how intense everything was going to be."

He looked at her. "You picked me?" Why hadn't she told him that before?

She smiled. "Yeah, remind me to tell you about that sometime."

They sat quietly for a few seconds, each mulling over the events since they fled Reach before Cortana frowned slightly. "Do you think they'll separate us when we get back to earth, John?"

John. There is was again, along with an unfamiliar feeling of contentment running through him. But, with the Covenant knowing Earth's location, there was no time for him to acknowledge the emotion.

"No." It was a promise.

"You seem awfully confident about that," she noted, raising an eyebrow. "You do realize I am one of three smart AIs that are part of the UNSC now, right? Before Reach, there were over 300."

"You're not going anywhere," he assured her.

"I don't remember you being this stubborn when I first met you," she replied playfully.

"It must have been something I picked up from you."

To his surprise, she laughed softly. "I prefer to call it determination." She turned away slightly. "We'll definitely need that when the Covenant show up to Earth."

"We'll be ready."

"We will," she agreed. "Together."

"Together."

 **Humor (post Halo: First Strike)**

"Dude, is that a Spartan?" Private McEvans said, hitting his friend in the shoulder as they entered the mess hall.

Private Stevenson whipped around. "Where?"

"Over there!" McEvans said excitedly, nodding to the corner of the room where the Spartan was sitting in the far corner, alone.

"Yeah, it is. It certainly isn't one of those ODSTs. He looks like he could eat them for breakfast. What's he doing here?" Stevenson asked as he loaded his tray full of food.

"I don't know, man." McEvans, who suddenly lost his interest in eating, kept staring at the Spartan who seemed unaware of their conversation. "I heard that he has some AI in his head."

Stevenson snorted. "There is no way I would let some kind of computer program in my brain. I've seen too many of those classic horror movies. Who's to say it wouldn't take over my mind?"

"That's true," McEvans said, finally turning away from the legendary soldier, "but, dude, I heard she wears no clothes and she is totally hot." He made an hourglass shape with his hands.

Stevenson looked at him in disbelief. "AI porn? Seriously? I thought the Spartans were a bunch of prudes."

"I did too, but now I don't know, man," McEvans said, shrugging. "My buddy on the Cairo platform saw her and said the only thing that is keeping everyone from seeing all the goods are some well-placed calculations on her body."

Stevenson seemed to consider the new information. "Well, then, forget what I said, man. I'd love to have a naked AI running around in _my_ head. Do you think she's got a hot voice?"

"I've heard it before, man. Hot doesn't even begin to describe it," McEvans replied. "Can you imagine all the things she says to him when no one else can hear?"

"No, but I could imagine," Stevenson said, laughing. "Think she would be willing to be with a real man that isn't half-machine?"

"Who knows, dude? But I'm not gonna fight him for some holographic babe."

The two of them looked in the Spartan's direction, sighing. "Some guys get all the luck," Stevenson finally said.

"Tell me about it," McEvans sighed before turning away. "So, did you hear about the gravball tournament last night?"

"Yeah, I've got fifty credits on the Mercury Mavericks…"

Across the room, John, who had heard the entire exchange, frowned slightly.

Before he could say anything, Cortana said, "Don't worry, Chief, I've already hacked into the deployment database. It seems like Private Bigmouth and his buddy, Captain Delusion, are going find themselves in the very inhospitable planet of Theta Nine by the end of the week."

"Good."

"And I'm only half naked."

"I know, Cortana."

 **Hurt/Comfort (pre Halo 2)**

All it took was one well-placed shot from a Grunt's Needler to nearly kill Cortana.

"You always take me to such nice places, Chief," Cortana had said wryly. "Seriously though-"

At that moment her silence was louder than the shot coming from behind John. Quickly, he spun around, making quick work of eliminating the threat.

"Cortana?"

The sound of a shattering needle was his answer.

The Chief made his way to a nearby cave, knowing help was nowhere around. They weren't supposed to return to the LZ for another four hours.

"Master Chief?"

It was Cortana…but it didn't sound like her. "Cortana?"

"Not exactly," she replied somewhat woodenly. "I'm a clone that was created in case her matrix chip was damaged severely."

"Is she alright?"

"She's in protected hibernation mode right now," she replied. "If her system is not rebooted within an hour, the kill switch will be activated."

John froze, not believing the clone. "I thought only I had access to that."

"It is a failsafe to make sure that delicate data does not fall into the hands of the Covenant as part of ONI code 5633.9," she explained. "Since there are no repair stations in the vicinity, it will be up to you to reinitiate her."

"What do I need to do?"

"Carefully eject the matrix chip from your armor."

He did as he was instructed and noticed the edge of the chip had shattered.

"Damage is worse than anticipated," replied the clone. "Repairs are unlikely to be successful."

"Just tell me what to do."

"You have the silicon-polymer alloy in your possession, correct?"

John had often wondered why Cortana insisted he carry such an odd item with him every time they were sent on a mission. "Yes," he said.

"You will need to fill in the areas that have been destroyed, being careful not to place any of the alloy on the chip that is not damaged," she warned.

"Right," John said. He activated the magnifier on his HUD and painstakingly filled in the cracks on her matrix chip.

Forty minutes later, he was finished. "Now what?" he asked.

"There's no way to tell if the repairs are successful until the chip interfaces with the armor. If this didn't work…"

"It will work."

She didn't argue him. "In order for the original Cortana to reboot, my program must now terminate. Good luck, Chief."

He reached around and placed the chip in its customary place. Several long seconds passed in silence.

"Cortana?"

It remained silent.

He closed his eyes in resignation. Suddenly, the familiarly painful burst of ice coldness flooded his mind.

"I never knew you were a tech head, Chief."

He allowed himself a brief smile. "Neither did I, Cortana."

 **Romance (post Halo Legends: Orgins)**

Cortana watched John as he checked his rifle before mounting it on the wall behind the cryotube. "Think you're ready to leave Earth?"

"If your driving is fine…yes," the Chief replied dryly.

Raising an eyebrow, she grinned. "Don't worry, Chief, I'll get you there in one piece. After all, you are the star of these peace talks. Aside from the Arbiter, of course."

She watched him cringe. Diplomacy was never his strong point. His weapons almost always spoke louder than his words. "Don't remind me."

Cortana faced John. "It's going to take about six weeks to reach the planet where we'll meet with the Arbiter…not that you'll notice," she said, nodding towards the cryotube. She smiled sheepishly. "I'll miss you."

Cortana winced slightly at the need in her voice. It wasn't as if she was some kind of damsel in distress. But it was the first time she would be on a mission on her own since overcoming Rampancy.

"You'll be fine," he assured her.

"Thanks," she said sincerely. But she knew despite his encouragement, it would be lonely without his constant presence on the bridge. Before she could second-guess her actions, she stood on her tiptoes, pushed up the Chief's visor and softly kissed his cheek.

John looked at her, confused, as she pulled away. "What's that for?" he asked.

He wasn't smiling or giving any indication as to what he was feeling, Cortana noted, feeling slightly embarrassed. "Luck," she replied uncomfortably.

As they stood there awkwardly facing each other, Cortana wished someone, _anyone_ , would contact her to give her an excuse to leave, but unfortunately her comm channel was deafeningly silent. She watched him study her, as if trying to understand the reasoning behind her action.

Maybe she had misinterpreted the tension between them, that there was no bond between the two of them other that of fellow soldiers who served together through an intense campaign.

She started to speak when the Chief's gloved hand covered one of her own. He rubbed the top of her hand softly with his thumb just as he had on the Core.

"Thanks," he finally said. With his free hand, he reached up and snapped down his visor. Before it closed, Cortana swore he flashed a smile at her.

Maybe Doctor Halsey was right, she thought, maybe after everything that had happened, he changed. She knew she had.

With a slight squeeze, he let go out her hand and took a step back towards the cryotube. He entered it slowly, his gaze never leaving Cortana. "Be careful," he said.

"Don't worry, John, I'll be here when you wake up."

"And Cortana?" he said as the glass started to close over him. "I'll miss you too."

 **UST (end of Halo: First Strike…takes place after my "UST" entry on Chapter one)**

John woke up from the worst night of sleep he had in years.

And he placed the blame squarely on Cortana.

If she hadn't met him in the makeshift barracks earlier and leaned against his helmet possessively, he would have never had thought of her in _that_ way. And if he didn't think of her _that_ way, then he would have _never_ had the dream he did.

The dream itself was impossible, of course. The idea of any kind of physical relationship with Cortana was completely unachievable, but his subconscious didn't seem to consider reality when it created his fantasy of her. She was, of course, perfectly touchable in his dream.

With a flush, he remembered just how much he enjoyed the idea of a tangible Cortana.

For the first time since he was assigned to work with her, he wondered, slightly frantic, if she could possibly know what he was dreaming about.

As he was coming up with possible excuses for his subconscious, Cortana appeared on the holoprojector.

"Sleep well?"

He told himself he imagined the smirk on her face when she asked the question.

"Fine."

"You didn't have any nightmares?" she probed.

She had to know, he decided. She was just baiting him, seeing if he would confess to his subconscious lust of her. But there was absolutely no way he was going to do that.

"No." He gritted his teeth. "I slept fine."

She looked at him disbelievingly. "Well, according to your sleep patterns, you didn't," she argued, putting her hand on her hip.

Maybe she didn't know what exactly he dreamed about, he thought hopefully. Certainly by now she would have cracked some joke, made some comment, about it.

Cortana studied him for a second, seemingly concerned. "Are you sure you're alright, John?"

John.

It was the most vivid part of the dream he could remember: Her teasing, yet oddly appealing, smile tantalizing him as she said his name in that perfect way of hers. The way her lips separated slightly-

"John? John!" She snapped her fingers. "You still with me?"

He turned back to her, forcing the inappropriate images to the far parts of his mind. "I'm fine."

She looked like she was tempted to argue with him, but finally she nodded. "All right, but if you need anymore sleep-"

"I won't need anymore," he quickly interrupted.

He picked up his helmet, which was _not_ by the holoprojector, and put it on, grateful that the conversation was over.

Just as he was about to leave, Cortana called to him. "Just so you know, John, I actually prefer it when you're the more aggressive one."

He closed his eyes, tempted to let his head hit the wall.

Busted.


End file.
